Why Writers Need Coffee with Friends...and with Strangers

You may dislike critique groups, but don't discount the power of the coffee date.

First, big congratulations to my Oregon colleague Emily Grosvenor for her publication of this inspiring personal essay: “Ditch the Birthday Party. Do THIS Instead.”(coveyclub.com) . Emily first told me about her Coffee Date Project a few years ago at the Willamette Writers Conference, and I found myself absolutely entranced…so much so that I began meeting relative strangers for coffee in my spare time. I think you’ll love both the project and her essay about it!

Okay, so I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions. I’m better at maintaining those habits I’ve already trained in myself—daily creative writing, daily exercise, healthy (mostly) eating, check-ins with family and friends both two-legged and four. But this year, I’m resolved to meet up with another writing colleague. Mary’s working, as I am, on historical fiction, and we have a weekly coffee date at a bakery that understands the power of apple turnovers to assuage the pain of editorial rejection letters.

I haven’t had success with writing groups. Mostly, I prefer to write what I want, when I want, and it’s difficult to adhere to chapter submission or critique schedules. But as an author new to historical fiction, I’m finding my weekly coffee date with Mary to be invaluable. We talk about the research process. We talk about biases in history and whose voices have been left out. We talk about primary sources and secondary sources and blending fact with fiction. We talk about demystifying Scrivener software for writers which—if you haven’t already checked it out—earns my highest recommendation for inspiring me to organize all my websites and photos and newspaper clippings and scene cards and prewriting and rough drafts in one place.

If you, like me, don’t function well as part of a multi-writer critique group, think about one person you might meet up with online or in person on a regular basis. If you can’t come up with one poet or essayist or fiction writer or screenwriter or magazine freelancer, I might be able to put you in touch with someone; just email me. I love helping writers to find one another.

Where I’ll Be Soon

February 7-10, 2024: I’ll moderate the panel titled “Bullet Journaling, Car Retreats & Barney: 10 Hacks for Writing while Parenting and Writing” and speak on the panel titled “Intellectual Disability: An Inclusive Panel” at the AWP (Associated Writing Programs) Conference and Bookfair in Kansas City. If you’re there, please come say hello, and hey, I’ll buy you coffee!

February 17, 2024: I’ll teach an online workshop on writing and publishing personal essays for Sacramento Writers’ Club. I’m pretty sure all are welcome. If not, invite me to come and talk for your own writers’ club!

April 4-8, 2024--I’m teaching a fun and supportive workshop titled “Crafting Your Memoir” at the stunningly-beautiful Playa Summer Lake in Central Oregon. Registration has just opened, and this workshop will sell out quickly. Contact me with any questions at all—I can’t emphasize enough how lovely Playa will be in April!

April 26-28th, 2024—I’m one of the featured workshop speakers at Oregon Writers’ Colony’s annual conference held at the charming Sylvia Beach Hotel in Nye Beach on the central coast. We’ll be talking about how to plan and write book-length memoir, but those working on short memoir will find plenty of useful and inspiring information, as well. This is going to be an intimate, powerful three-day event with plenty of low-key networking and lots and lots of great coffee with strangers destined to become friends.

What I’m Publishing

Business Insider published my short essay about Backcountry Ski Patrol and multigenerational friendships last month: I Made a Multigenerational Group of Friends Doing Ski Patrol (businessinsider.com).

I’ve got several magazine pieces due soon, and I’m immersed in my historical novel, so no other new work this month. But head to the bottom of my website for a still-relevant piece—“Seven Ways to Build a Writing Habit”—from my past work at The Writer Magazine. I think it will be useful to some of you—it’s packed with smart advice from so many excellent writers!

A Few Cool Resources for Writers

·        The holidays are over, but my teen doesn’t go back to community college until next week. She’s been on break for almost a month, and while she’s relatively self-sufficient, she still needs me on occasion. I’ve bookmarked this article 10 Tips for How to Work at Home With Kids at Christmas (thewritelife.com) and referred to it this holiday season; I look forward to using it again at Spring Break.

·        I learned a lot about the power of silence in my fiction from this article, thanks to the author’s smart observations and specific literary examples: 4 Ways to use Silence in your Fiction - Bookfox (thejohnfox.com)

·        Here are 34 magazines, print and online, that pay for personal essays: 34 Publications That Will Pay for Your Personal Essay | by K. J. Aiello | Medium.

·        My mom was an big fan of beat sheets. While I don’t use them myself, this Beat Sheet Mapperwill appeal to many writers to appreciate the structure and the smartSave the Catwriting guide and supplemental software, etc.   

·        Got a book coming out soon? You’ll want to read this article: Ask the Publicists: What’s the One Thing I Can Do For My Book? ‹ Literary Hub (lithub.com) I’ve had the good fortune to collaborate with devoted in-house publicists on my last few books, and this article offers wise advice about how to help—and not hinder—their efforts.

Conferences, Residencies, and Calls for Submissions

·        If you can’t make it to Playa Summer Lake for my workshop on memoir writing, consider applying for a residency thereinstead. You’ll be awarded a cabin in a gorgeous location, along with the opportunity to work on creative projects and meet other writers and artists.

·        Plant Human Quarterlyjust posted a call for submissions—they’re looking for both fiction and poetry, and they’ve published some really well-known nature writers! Why not join them?

·        Thanks to C. Hope Clark and theFunds for Writersnewsletter for this one: Griffith Review is accepting non-fiction pitches; pay is $500 per article, and the deadline is January 7th. “We’d particularly welcome pitches from First Nations writers. We’d also welcome pitches from members of the d/Deaf and disabled writing communities.”

·        Girls Write the Worldseeks poetry, prose, and visual art from “girls and young, gender-expansive writers and artists, ages 14-21.”

·        The Miss Sarah Fellowship for Black Women Writers seeks fiction submissions for 2024. The winner receives a 10-day residency and a $1,000 stipend in North Carolina.

·        Weekand.com wants opinion pieces about theater, comedy, and live music, as well as “quick and clever home organizing projects and insights-from-a-superfan-style guides to seeing live music and comedy.” Submit your pitches here: https://docs.google.com/.../1FAIpQLSepDXa8-bwn.../viewform

·        I adore the San Francisco Writers’ Conference, and it’s coming up February 15th to 18th! Check out the featured speakers, agents, and editors, then register here: 2024 Writers Conference - San Francisco Writers Conference (sfwriters.org). Don’t forget to take a side trip here: Golden Gate Fortune Cookie Factory (goldengatefortunecookies.com) to watch bakers create fortune cookies. You can sample them and buy bags to share with your new writing friends!

Okay, that’s all for now. Let me know if you want me to include any writing resources in my February issue, and I’ll do so!

Much gratitude,

Melissa

P.S. This is me in the lobby of the former Sir Francis Drake Hotel, once home to the San Francisco Writers Conference. My mother and I attended 15 years ago and ditched an editor panel to go watch the coronation of Northern California drag queens in the next ballroom over. I don’t regret this decision for a moment.